WTF?

In case you're wondering, this is all Jason's fault.

Welcome to Alexandria Prime. You may be somewhat disoriented, especially if this is your first visit to a noological construct. That will pass -- or persist until you have a psychotic episode. One way or another, your consciousness will adapt to existence outside of time and space, which is where Alexandra Prime is situated. As a noological construct, Alexandria Prime is composed only of information; in our case, AP is the repository of all human knowledge ever recorded. I'm sure you can understand its significance, if only for archival purposes -- which is why we've brought you here.

Alexandria Prime is in trouble. The information which composes Alexandria Prime is being corrupted from within, and we need your special talents and experience in order to correct it. The library is infested with noological parasites called owlbears, which destroy information by removing the distinctions between units of data. We believe they originated from a book in the Americana section, which is where the infestation is centered. That is why we have awakened your consciousnesses from the written works you produced within your lifetimes -- we believe that you will be best suited to deal with their threat.

Some of you will not recognize each other, since you lived in different time periods of the era known to history as the Deep Fried Period. You are: Mark Twain, Kurt Vonnegut, Emily Dickinson, Ernest Hemingway, Alice Walker, and Edgar Allen Poe. Your consciousnesses may be slightly overlapped; take a moment to figure out exactly who you are.

Once you have self-identified, we will insert you into the Americana wing of the library. Your consciousness will experience this as a sort of menagerie of locations and scenes drawn from your era's literature. No doubt, as you are all authors, you will be able to detect the aberrations to the pure noological matrix caused by the owlbears. Find the owlbears, and stop them. You have approximately four hours -- as you experience time -- before the corruption destroys the entirety of the Americana wing and we will be forced to call in Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde, and James Joyce. Don't make me do that. We are counting on you. Good luck, and godspeed.

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Most excellent. Given enough

Most excellent. Given enough time, Alexandria Prime turns into Borges' Library of Babel.

What's wrong with Oscar

What's wrong with Oscar Wilde?

He might have improper

He might have improper relations with the owlbears. Because he thought it was funny.

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